《权力意志与永恒轮回》探索人性：权力意志和永恒轮回

Reading this book is both painful and exhilarating. The pain comes from the fact that it is full of Nietzsche's mad ramblings, yet I find myself agreeing with many of them. "Some people talk without getting to the point, making everything a mess. These people might as well keep quiet. They burden themselves just like a disease - this is how I discovered that the talented Jesus was an egoist." The preface writes about Nietzsche that "he completely ignored the opinions of others due to his extreme self-confidence and long-term loneliness, and followed his own path of thinking." That's where I am right now - I am in pain, and my life is a mess. I have realized I have been too crazy lately, or maybe I've always been this way but didn't show it before. I used to hide it and became depressed, but now I'm expressing it and becoming crazy, truly insane! I find that I completely identify with Nietzsche's "three transformations of the spirit." I think I'm currently experiencing the transformation from the camel to the lion, and what I'm pursuing is similar to Nietzsche's "child." I used to be a camel, accepting whatever came my way. But through this journey, I discovered and got to know myself. I found out what I truly want to accomplish, and I can devote all my energy to it without eating or sleeping. Doing what I love comes effortlessly to me. On the other hand, I have no motivation to do things I don't like, and I can't do them well even if I try. I used to deny myself, thinking I'm not smart. But when it comes to something I truly want to learn, I can easily learn it. So I'm not stupid, I just lack someone to confirm me, and that person becomes myself. I think I can do anything now, and this transformation from inferiority to arrogance has made me extremely swollen. I classify people as good or bad, only thinking about their goodness or evil regarding me, which is extremely selfish. I am truly conflicted, as I pursue selflessness and altruism, but my principles are all self-centered. Of course, there is nothing wrong with being self-centered, but it brings me pain, and normal people don't feel guilty about being self-centered. I shouldn't think like that. It's just my own extreme understanding of good and evil. Being a camel is tiring, being a lion is tiring, so I, like Nietzsche, long to be a "child." "The child is purity and forgetting, a new beginning, a game, a revolving wheel, an initiating movement, a sacred affirmation." So I realize that, ultimately, we all just want a new beginning, to escape our pain, to be a simple person, as the pain caused by complex, uncontrollable thinking is unimaginable for average people. We just want to be simple and normal. The joy comes from discovering and exploring myself, even though it's painful. This is growth and learning. I always love learning, and discovering new knowledge and exploring myself deeper brings me immense happiness.